Is there anyone who understands? I am really tired.. seriously..

There's a thing about my blog. It's that it's very dull and bland. Why is that so? I've been out of it for like more or less than a week, and I still don't have any idea of what to post about. The thing with me is that I easily forget. But then, if I got into something or someone I will have flash backs of what I did before. MAYBE I have a minor [or major] memory loss but I am still capable of remembering things if I want to or if somebody mentions about it.

Most people who has their own blog are happy people. Happy-go-lucky who has interesting days to share about. They do not only have the least of the problems but if they do have they just do some kind of a thing and *POOF*, Adios, problemo!

I know, I know.

I should be the same, ain't that right?

But there's the thing, I am not a happy girl. In fact, I'm an angry person. I made everyday of my life seem depressing. I tried to be 'happy' for a period of time but, hey, life's tough.

Life's tough eh? Yeah.. everyone's does. It's tougher when it's already tough, the people that you thought that cared, made it tougher. It's not that I can't take it, I can. I just can't handle the fact that the only one that is trying to make things better was only ME. I need support, help and well, SUPPORT. Is that some kind of Mission Impossible? People shouldn't face the problems I'm having. Problems and temptations are only the things that they gave me instead of motivations or supports.

Funny thing was that my dad just offer me to a trip to a hotel for 2 days 1 night and I have never go to a family trip before in my life but HANG ON A SEC. If I'm going, then Sunday I'll be coming back, and the next day is maths. NO. I cannot jeopardize my exam or future but I've never been to a trip with my own family before. I know it's easy for someone to just say, "Stay for your studies, it's much more important" or "Go for the trip! You can study there". But how about what I feel? If I go for the trip, it's another word for not studying because I can't study myself.

And IF i go for my studies, I'll be missing out the fun and the only opportunity to spend with my family. HOW?

It's just a dilemma I'm having inside my head.

Like I say to myself these days, "GET OVER IT!"

The only thing that is motivating me to keep on going was my studies.

I want to get my best result.

I want to achieve my dreams.

WHY?

Because I want to get away.

I don't wanna face the problems I'm having now.

I am done with it. I need something new or fresh.

It's stupid, because in my heart, I still love every bit or that problem and I know that i'll miss 'em. Every part of it.

But one thing, I'm not my sister.

I'm not as strong as her.

God, guide me please.

ps: I need something fresh and new, that is why i changed my blog name. Chaoz.. let us all hope for something refreshing..

ps II: I cried for like, an hour or so, no one knows. But i guess after this everyone will. PUNNY.