Just another random update *wink*

FINALLY!!

I finished few papers that I have now forget what paper was it.

BM was okay for me, English was kinda hard, History was very.. well.. HISTORICAL. It's so ancient I don't even know what the question was. Maths very scary but I still got through it and today I had Moral paper.

For the first time in my school years, this is the hardest I studied.

Like, SERIOUSLY.

Not even during for my mid-term or final exam I have ever studied so hard and guess what???

I feel SMART.

[KAKAKAKAKAKAKA]

I feel that I'm smarter than a normal people but then how can I get 11years + 2years( Kindergarten ) of schooling in few days of studying right?

Anyway, I'm gonna stop about the exam.. I hate talking (or typing) about exams and studying.. so...

I am feeling SOOOOOOOOOOO nervous, sad, excited, happy, gloomy, ya da ya da, ...etc. about last days of school! I can't believe that I'm leaving school in less than a MONTH!

Whenever I see older peoples (just a few years above me) working or currently study at college or U, never once I think about me in their place.

I've always think of myself as someone who drags myself to school every morning and seriously, I used to wish that time can run faster so that I can get out of school and start my own life.

But since my time is really running so fast it's disheartening to think that my school life's gonna end very, very, VERY soon. [sobs]

SO sad.......... saddest part is, my allowance gonna end too. [WUAHH...] How? How?

And now, I have [blank] in my mind on what to post so I think I better and or else I'm gonna type in something crazy.

HAPPY SPM-ing!

:D

Is there anyone who understands? I am really tired.. seriously..

There's a thing about my blog. It's that it's very dull and bland. Why is that so? I've been out of it for like more or less than a week, and I still don't have any idea of what to post about. The thing with me is that I easily forget. But then, if I got into something or someone I will have flash backs of what I did before. MAYBE I have a minor [or major] memory loss but I am still capable of remembering things if I want to or if somebody mentions about it.

Most people who has their own blog are happy people. Happy-go-lucky who has interesting days to share about. They do not only have the least of the problems but if they do have they just do some kind of a thing and *POOF*, Adios, problemo!

I know, I know.

I should be the same, ain't that right?

But there's the thing, I am not a happy girl. In fact, I'm an angry person. I made everyday of my life seem depressing. I tried to be 'happy' for a period of time but, hey, life's tough.

Life's tough eh? Yeah.. everyone's does. It's tougher when it's already tough, the people that you thought that cared, made it tougher. It's not that I can't take it, I can. I just can't handle the fact that the only one that is trying to make things better was only ME. I need support, help and well, SUPPORT. Is that some kind of Mission Impossible? People shouldn't face the problems I'm having. Problems and temptations are only the things that they gave me instead of motivations or supports.

Funny thing was that my dad just offer me to a trip to a hotel for 2 days 1 night and I have never go to a family trip before in my life but HANG ON A SEC. If I'm going, then Sunday I'll be coming back, and the next day is maths. NO. I cannot jeopardize my exam or future but I've never been to a trip with my own family before. I know it's easy for someone to just say, "Stay for your studies, it's much more important" or "Go for the trip! You can study there". But how about what I feel? If I go for the trip, it's another word for not studying because I can't study myself.

And IF i go for my studies, I'll be missing out the fun and the only opportunity to spend with my family. HOW?

It's just a dilemma I'm having inside my head.

Like I say to myself these days, "GET OVER IT!"

The only thing that is motivating me to keep on going was my studies.

I want to get my best result.

I want to achieve my dreams.

WHY?

Because I want to get away.

I don't wanna face the problems I'm having now.

I am done with it. I need something new or fresh.

It's stupid, because in my heart, I still love every bit or that problem and I know that i'll miss 'em. Every part of it.

But one thing, I'm not my sister.

I'm not as strong as her.

God, guide me please.

ps: I need something fresh and new, that is why i changed my blog name. Chaoz.. let us all hope for something refreshing..

ps II: I cried for like, an hour or so, no one knows. But i guess after this everyone will. PUNNY.

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don’t

If you like to win but think you can’t,

It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.

For out in the world we find

Success begins with a fellow’s will

It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are.

You’ve got to think high to rise.

You’ve got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go

To the stronger or faster man.

But sooner or later, the man who wins

Is the man who thinks he can.

...

I am missing someone that I know I should not. But everytime I think back, how will it be if I made the other choice? How would my life will be? Past is always the past..

Just do it.

The picture says it all.

I might be just comforting myself but I think it's true.

:)

Mood : Tensed

I feel so highly emotional lately.. is it because of the preparation of the exams? I hadn't even studied half as much as my friends and yet I have nightmares, easily get angry, feeling lazy all of the sudden, sick of thinking about my exams... argh! I don't even wanna know when my exams starts! How am I to live through my future if this SPM is consider such a small case compare to the college or university?

:(

Does miracle exist?

SWIM! or float?

I went for some 'swimming' this afternoon with my good buddy, Er. I was 'CRaVING' for a dip in the pool for the whole of last week and I finally got to do it today.

It's kinda fun having to play in the pool.

I got in the pool, thinking I know how to swim and when I do, all I heard was splashing sound. I paddle and paddle yet my body was sinking. [=.="]

Then, I tried to lie on my back with my body straight, holding my breath as I close my eyes wishing I won't sink this time..

!!WOOHOO!!

I FLOATED!!!

WEEHHEEEE!!!!

I did float, and I got over excited and in the end I sank again..

This time, drank the pool water.

Water that filled with pee and saliva.

Thinking about it I think i'm gonna puke anytime soon but I won't.

BBUUT...

I did ACHIEVED something.

I learned how to swim on my back.

And FROG style.!

Cool eh..?

Not bad for a beginner, right?

[waiting for agreement]

LOL.

ps: I love getting chased by dogs. Gets my adrenaline glands running high. [XD]

LOVES!!

I just wanna remind myself of how I look last time.

This picture was taken quite awhile ago, like, last year?

Well, notice the length of my hair?

Yea.. it was the only part of me that I wasn't quite satisfy about at that time..well..

I can assure to everyone(or myself ) that it's still not very satisfying about it now. My hair currently looks like grass at Taman Rakyat.

T.T

Miss the old days..

I really miss my slim season. I wanna be back to the skinny me. :(

..and I think short hair looks better on me, eh?

Sorry..

Mom. I just wanna say that I'm sorry for being so rude these few days. Me raising voices, giving you the faces, and many more looks that most mom would just give their children a slap in the face. I am very sorry. :(

I needa grow up.!

I look so dumb/small girl.

I need a new look. A more mature one. I don't know how I should do it, that's why I hate myself so much. Other girls grow, but it seems like I'm stuck at a certain age that never show that I am becoming a young adult. I feel stupid. I am stupid, plus, childish.

No one would help me. So, guess I'm slowly dying.. My self-esteem is getting lower and lower and lower....

Step me, I don't care.

I have no confidence in my life or whatsoever.

Topic : Physicality-s

I was bored, so I came up with this picture.

Isn't this a picture with oh-so-little blemish and acnes?

Confession time!

I edited it. To see the difference, let's scroll down.

:)

Face with acne, pimples, the picture is blurred. Though it's not much of an edit, but look at the edited photo! Obvious blemishes are gone! It makes me wonder, does any of the girls in the magazine are every half true of what they looks like? Even a little editor I used already get to make this much of a change, how about those who has like, SUPER HI-TECH robot-like editor? Oh my.. I can't imagine..

Why can't WE become the editor of our face, body and such??

If only I get to shape my bums. =X

LOL.

Have you ever think like, "Oh, I'm so ugly!", or "I look like a gigantasaruous!", or "GOsh! My hair's so curly it looks like an afro!", or "Damn, my thigh looks like an elephant leg was transplant on my body" ?

If any of your answers are YES, which most probably many would say.. well, try doodle-ing yourself.

Draw in a paper or in the computer of how you think yourself looks like. In my case, I 'dtac'-ed myself.

This is how I think of myself.

FAT : I'm fleshy, which usually my family and friends says that I'm not but my thinking otherwise.

Small eyes : I have a very China Girl eyes and I don't who I got it from 'cause both my parents have normal-sized eye.

Holding doughnut : It symbolizes that quote which I myself created; "I love FOOD". No, it's not the same as love to eat. Love to eat simply means has likes to eat but only specific food class. Loving food means that having the love for every food that comes into sight, which also can be said as; Love at first sight.

T-shirt and short jeans : I am a tomboyish girl. I know not of putting on any makeups neither being fashionable.

Sneakers : The only positive side of me; Sporty. :)

I hope this encourages everyone to think deeply, of how you think and most importantly FEEL about yourself.

You can think whatever, however about yourself.

But remember, feelings are the most important.

As long as you know how to love yourself, your thinking aren't as important as it used to be.

♥

Romania~~

I have a viewer from Romania read my blog. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha... though it's only 1 person, I still felt my words are being read the other side of the world.. HAPPY? I don't know, 'cause I don't know whether that person has really read it, or just view it. :(

Silly boy

I realized that my brother is beginning to love himself.

He loves to listen his own voice and face.

Let me spare your time by showing you..

I was wondering what he was doing when he lock himself in my mom's room... until he showed me this.. :

This is my favourite one.

:D

Sorry if the pictures are too dark. No time to edit.

There are many more pictures and videos in the phone. I don't have much time to upload more photos and I can't seem to upload the video but hope this post will be enjoyable. :D

Chaoz..

Ps: I felt so dumb when my mom told me the time on blogger can change in settings.

=.="

Even my mom knows how..

SAT PAI AH...

Happy :)

[8.25a.m.] I woke up early again! :D

My mom read my blog! Wooootzz...

She said that it's funny. :P

She never reads it, now she finally does (LOVE YOU MA♥)

My hair is getting l o n g e r!

But oh, how slow the growth is.

Stupid hair is like, thin!!!

But I want a thick hair!

How?

Any hair product suggestion?

I have gotten rid of everything that is not suppose to be in my mind, so..

BYEBYE distractions!

No more making me emo~(butialwaysemoanyways)

Broken yet again.

I should've known that something like this would happen. People, even the ones least expected, would always break promises. Great. Now, I'm jobless in the future.

I need to go out, have some fresh air, somewhere.

ps: any office job suggestion?

DEEP-A-VALLY :D

[8.40p.m.] (picture taken: when I had nothing to do last week*i think?*)

So.. DEEPAVALI's tomorrow!!

YENADEHHH!!(saying it with rolling my tougue)

What should I say about it?

How cool is it to play fire-crackers with loud "BOOM!"s with fellow friends on Deepavali's Eve?

NOT IF SOMEONE'S HAVING HEADACHE!!!

*tears*

Me and lil' brother over at the couch now(GRR~) had arguements. Silly arguements.. yeah. I'm being the "unreasonable" me again. But you ain't see that lil' boy's attitude he's givin' me yet!

Yet, I'm his older sister, I have to be patience(as if I have any) so I'll TRY to shut up and count to ten, if not twenty.

This morning jogged with Nilahsha at Taman Rakyat. XD

I can't jog long *SOBS* because before I came out from my house, I forgotten to pee [=X] so... as you all can imagine, running half-way I have this URGE to pee. *shakes head*

Embarrassing?

HAH! That's me.

MOVE TO THE NEXT TOPIC!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVE no other topic, other than my thighs are feeling bit sore from all those running these few days.

I wanna be her!

Nahh.. just messing with ya!

BTW, she's a man.

Changes

While I was just googling around some images I found this.

It's Emma Watson from the Harry Potter.

Can ya'll see the difference between these two person?

Yes you can!!

Left: She's younger, looking innocent and angelic , etc.

Much older, mature, dark, slutty =X :Right

It's really weird to see someone so 'good' when they're young and someone so 'bitchy(?)' when they're much much older.

Am I that kind?

No, I don't see myself in thick eyeliner???

Or do I??

It's not only makeup that does the change, it's ATTITUDE and PERSONALITY.

Makeups only makes the change much more obvious.

BUT,

the queen of the she-DEVIL has to be those who SEEM angelic but when you know their personality..

BAAM!!

You're dead.

LOL.

Cockroaches? Dreams?

I dreamt about cockroaches last night.

It was horrifying.

I googled and found a website that interprets dreams so here it is :

Cockroach
To see a cockroach in your dream, symbolizes uncleanness. It also signifies longevity, tenacity and renewal. You need to reevaluate major aspects of your life. Alternatively, the dream represents an undesirable aspect of yourself in which you need to confront. A roach may also be a pun on smoking marijuana.

Could it be that I have been slacking in about these days? Was it because I haven't been putting my priorities right as in SPM? Do I need to change?

Answers for 1st and 2nd question are most probably yeah, but the 3rd one is a definite YES.

I must change.

Sorry I kept posting a lot but it bugs me to keep thinking about the roaches in my dream.

So, that was all.

:)

If any of you guys need dream interpretations, click this.

The time on blogger might not be right but I'll just type that down for ya'

Time : 10.25a.m (the last post was posted on the same date but different time as in 1a.m.???)

It's the first ever morning since LAST WEEK! It felt like an achievement to be able to wake up THIS early today and gladly I helped my mom in the kitchen preparing lunch. I know, I'm proud to have helped my mom.

You wondering why are we cooking lunch so early at 10?

It's because my brother, Garion's transport to school is coming at 12 in noon and well, little boy has to EAT!

Gosh! I wish I'm a boy.

A boy needn't care about how they weigh.(ofcoursetheydoorelseeverymanwillbeobese!)

They can dress as simple as they want not caring what other's thinking because no matter how they dress, they will;no matter what; LOOK GOOD!

A simple tee shirt and a jeans will do!

But noooooo.. not for a girl. The female species of Homosapien in the planet Earth, has to be PRETTY, ELEGANT, POLITE, ... wait!!

Why do GIRLS(with bitchy tone) has to be all that?

Why do we have to deal with all those expectations??

Conclusion, menareeasiertobethanwomen.

If you don't understand, I'll teach you. Copy and paste that and replace the alphabets with big letters; MAETBTW.

If it's still UN-understandable then I can't help you.

To conclude with this post, I would like to show you the only way to make me STOP the feeling of wanting to become a man.

:)

Hope you enjoy.

Ps: My dad just massage my shoulder and say, "STUDY ARRRR"..

I'll go study now.

1/11

WAZZZZUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP, Blogger!!!

Sudah berapa lama tak jumpa??? Hahahaa!

I'm back! For good, I hope??

How's my life, you ask?

Well.. I hadn't been attending school ever since after my graduation lunch.

Another thing.. waking up at noon everyday is NOT a good idea and it might ruin your daily routine by ALOT. I've been slacking house chores lately and the only thing I did was hanging up the clothes this afternoon! :D Cool?? Nahhhh...

Been sleeping in my parents room for almost a month or so. Yes, yes, yes, I'm a baby so SUE ME if you want to but I like it. One thing I don't like was sleeping on the floor though.. [T.T]

And most probably over-sleeping for a week has made my immune system suck! I've been having cold and cough these few days and let me tell you, IT SUCKS. And every night I can't seem to be asleep not until after 2 or 3a.m.? ERrrggghhhh.. Finally, since I had nothing to do, these are the pictures I took though I might say, my camwhoring skills are a little rusted. [xP]

[this is my 'act cute' pose]

[this is my 'whatever' pose]

[this is my ':)' pose]

this is my 'friend' during my "fighting the virus" time

My 'friends' during the time when I cannot sleep. :)

I guess that's all. :)

I memang suka akan you.

Tapi, I guess you tak suka saya ba..

Lebih lagi, you've got her.

I don't even have a little chance of having you fikir tentang saya just for a little while.

Anyhoo, ni zhi shi wo de hui yi.

♥